Divorces happen. That’s just a simple fact of life in America: roughly every other marriage ends in divorce. Around fifty percent of children will watch their parents get a divorce. So how do we teach kids the right messages about life, love, responsibilities, and relationships split between two bitter households?
Let’s get this clear: getting a divorce is very often the right decision. Studies have shown that children grow up much stronger if they have loving, divorced parents than if they are living in one house with two angry, distant parents who are trying to make it work. In California, all custody decisions are made with the best interests of the child in mind. Those best interests almost always involve both parents being involved in their child’s life.
Coparenting is the process of working together with someone you are not in a relationship with (your coparent) to raise a child you share. While it is collaborative, it does not have to mean that everything is hunky dory between the coparents. This cannot be overstated: coparenting does not mean getting along. Coparenting means working together for the best interests of your children. All of your communications and interactions are entirely for that purpose alone.
Both parents will get a say in major life decisions for the child, such as education, medical health, and future plans. That’s generally a given in California, regardless of the custody specifics. Coparenting is about working together to make the more granular details of your child’s life consistent and healthy. It is about making sure your policies on things like bedtimes, diet, and entertainment options are consistent between houses, so your child receives a normal and steady upbringing.
To make coparenting work, we recommend communicating as clearly as possible with your coparent. You can learn and adapt to what styles work best for both of you, whether that is in person, over the phone, or through text or email. Coparents should work on focusing and filtering their conversations on the children alone. That will allow you to communicate more clearly rather than more often and help avoid any future conflicts.
We also encourage all coparents to lead with empathy in their interactions and conversations. It is very important to not badmouth your coparent in front of your child. Children understand from a very young age that they are made up of both of their parents, and it can be traumatizing for a child to hear that one part of them is “bad.” Through coparenting, you teach your children about maturity, responsibility, teamwork, and compassion.
At The Grey Legal Group, we know that the law is not always black and white – and parenting isn’t, either. For help with your California family situation, contact The Grey Legal Group today! We have experience helping with coparenting and making families as functional and happy as possible.
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